The Orrimpics

(Note: This is an earlier post that I was either too inspired or too lazy to post. "Enjoy", I guess)

Just watched the Olympics opening ceremony on NBC, and hoo boy, did the Chinese go balls to teh walls with this one. I can almost imagine the look on visual and artistic director Zhang Yimou's face, curled into a Howard Hughes-esque sneer and chomping on a cohiba, as dozens of designers scramble around him telling him of potential costs for each individual act requested, and then, with the room then falling into a hush, Zhang Yimou just standing up, putting his cigar out onto the table he was sitting at and uttering in a monotone, gravelly voice: "I don't care how much the damn thing costs; just make this happen," and then walking out of the room as the people around him fall into chaos. Ah, China.

As the hosts stated, there will probably never be as extravagant an opening ceremony as the one put on display in Beijing this year. Considering the amount of manpower and resources the Chinese government put into this entire endeavor, it'll be hard to top.

Too bad that the "official video game" for the Beijing 2008 Olympics, with the box art more akin to a power-pop band photo shoot for the front cover of Spin magazine is so meh. Sooner or later, sports video games are going to have to get more creative if they capture the other potential audience that isn't so much concerned with how many rushing yards they can get out of a strong play (that sounded convincing, right?), but rather, the more game-y, role-playing elements of the trade. Japan has already published numerous soccer manager simulators where the player purchases equipment and abilities ala Final Fantasy style. No shit.

I, for one, would like to see that in a Beijing Olympics video game. Not just the player participating in athletic events, which by itself boils down to how fast you can mash the controller, but the other little things on the side as well. For instance, how cool would it be to play as one of those people in that little box dance number they had, with knowledge that a single mistake could spell the end of your career as a per-hour dancer in employ of the People's Republic? Or how about a stage where you play as the now-44 year-old Li Ning, running alongside the fucking OUTER RIM of the Bird's Nest stadium, in a Tony Hawk-esque game where you have to tilt the analog stick accordingly to prevent your fragile legs from giving out due to stress and age? Better yet, how mind-blowingly cool would it be to play a bonus stage where you play as riot cop quelling civilian protests in Tibet, with tear gas and beanbag guns at your disposal, as you run around the province collecting Mao Zedong icons ala Crackdown?

Eh, one can dream. Game developers talk about full immersion in games but they have yet to deliver this so-called experience on all fronts. My fingers are crossed that the 2010 Vancouver Olympic Games videogame will allow this immersion, complete with requisite trips to Tim Horton's and haggling with the predominantly Cantonese-speaking contingent in full Mandarin.

Edit: Just watched the closing ceremony for the 2008 Beijing Olympics... yeah, not so much. And not to slight our friends across the Atlantic, who have given us so much in the way of Coldplay and fish & chips, but seriously, that shit was lame. Not even Jimmy Page and a "hey guys.... I guess" appearance from David Beckham could salvage that little tea party.