According to an interview with Mtv Multiplayer Blog, cinematic auteur and innovative visionary Brett Ratner expressed his interest in bringing a certain Activision franchise to the silver screen. No, not WoW, that's technically still under the auspices of Blizzard. More specifically, Guitar Hero is a franchise Ratner sees as ripe for the plucking.
This, along with shows dedicated to 80's teen idols that share similar names, and that fucking "handlebars" song, goes right up there with things that serve to earmark the progress our great civilization has made, both socially and metaphysically, as a cohesive entity moving forward in this time of uncertainty to better itself through deep introspection and philosophizing. I am beyond excited for a film that carries this magnitude of promise; if anyone can take something and catapault it at the speed of sound towards the throes of mediocrity, it is Brett Ratner.
Of course, why let the outpouring of great, inspired ideas end at Guitar Hero? There is a cavalcade of eager and willing games carrying unfulfilled potential in their loins waiting for luminaries such as Ratner to come and tap with his god-cock of inspiration. How about a Cooking Mama movie, where a young girl discovers her ability to follow directions to a rote "T" and scratch shit really fast? Or how about a trilogy based on Puzzle Quest, where the exciting, fast-paced combat of the game is reenacted on-screen with the furious action of Bejeweled-style gems sliding to and fro? Better yet, how about that aforementioned WoW movie, where the noble and brave heroes of Azeroth stand in Stormwind for about six hours and jump in place, occassionally going into AFK to fire up a Hot Pocket in the microwave?
Oh, Mr. Ratner. When I die, I hope to pull up a chair next to you, Henry David Thoreau, Charles Bukowski, and Gandhi. Until that day comes, I have that WoW movie to tide me over.
Yeah, it's being made. Let all the fanboys, shut-ins, and man-childs of the world crinkle their Taco Bell wrappers in unison!
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