You've just been dumped by a cheating bitch of a girlfriend who used your favorite copy of Punisher War Journal as a rag, fucked your best friend at your little sister's birthday party, and then called her mother a whore in front of your entire family. You've sworn to yourself and your friends time and time again over Pabst Blue Ribbon beers that you'd dump that slut the next chance you got.
But your problem was, is, and has always been the fact that you're an insecure little bitch. Sure, letting this chick know that you're a person with feelings, too, and then ultimately giving her the heave-ho sounds great. Nothing would put your mind more at ease than letting go of someone who has been a negative influence on your psyche, but somehow, you can't. You know if you let this one go, you probably won't ever have anyone in your life that will let you touch them intimately, let alone call them your "girlfriend" in front of your friends, the same people who slowly lose respect for you with each repeated lecture on love and relationships they give you late at night in the parking lot at Jack In The Box.
As your insecurity grows, your ability to fend for yourself weakens. Your girlfriend continues to run you into the ground emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially, until one day-- she's gone. Like a fart in the Staples Center. She did what you couldn't do; she got rid of you, when you knew it should've been the other war around. Now you're feeling empty inside, but it's a bittersweet emptiness with the majority of it resting on the "-sweet" side. Although you're free of this blackened menace that was purging the lifeblood out of you, you're now directionless as you no longer have a bitch girlfriend to appease. There's a reason they call it "growing on someone."
However, with the exocommunication of your former girlfriend comes a new lease on life. You're not sure where your life is going to lead you now, and yet there's this jittery, butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling you can't quite shake. You are now master of your own destiny, and you're still open to the prospect of love, despite how badly you've been hurt in the past. Maybe it's partly the shadow of your insecurity, maybe it's because you've always managed to remain optimistic despite the worst of situations and outcomes, or maybe it's both. But right now, that doesn't matter. You're out there now. You're working out, you're reading books you've always wanted to read, and you're meeting new people. You're getting involved. And it feels goooood.
Then, one day, out of the blue, comes a new girl into your life. It's like that old cliche goes, where the one you were meant to be with was always just under your nose. Where has this person been all my life? you ask yourself as you gaze at her sauntering down the street, her auburn hair flowing, gently caressed by the winds that seem to come and go at her beck and call, equally enamored with her luminence as you are. You've seen the worst the female population has to offer and now you can't help but feel like you're standing at the throes of the best. You like everything about this girl. You like the way she laughs. You like her choice in music. You like her taste in cuisine. Your last girlfriend swore by holiday sales at the Gap, which you knew in your heart of hearts was wrong, due to the company's spotty track record and involvement with sweatshop labor. But this new girl? She shops strictly at American Apparel. Something's different about this girl.
So, you get to know her, take things slow. You find out more about her. And just like your infatuation with her taste in humor, music, and food, you like what you hear. Now, we fast-forward to less than a year later. Things are getting really, really serious between you two. The thing you love the most about her is how well she speaks her mind. Every morning, as you two lay between the sheets that act as a conductor between the rest of the population and your own private world, she talks to you in her mellifluous, honey-dripping voice. She knows how bad you've been hurt in the past. You wear no scars on your body; it's your heart and your soul she's looking into. She promises you that with her, things will be different. As she softly kisses you on your quivering lips, your mind blissfully drifts and you sneak a look at the rays of sunlight that are beginning to creep through the window.
Your heart, too, is adrift with questions. You're madly, deeply in love, and you know things will be, as she said, different this time. Much in the way the pious reconcile their faith in the unknown, you also rest your trust in this intangible yet profound sense of change you are eager to experience. And yet, the questions. The questions. Will it ever be safe for me to love again? Can I really trust her? And the burning question: How will things be this time around?
You'll have your answer in four years.
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