Final Fantasy VII was the reason I wanted a Playstation one. There, I said it. I loved the hell out of FFIV and then FFVI, but nothing prepared me for the then-advanced CG cutscenes and next-gen graphics that the seventh iteration of my favorite franchise had to offer. After playing the demo that was packaged with Parasite Eve and blowing up the Mako factory over and over again at my friend's house, I was convinced that Final Fantasy VII was like, totally, the greatest game ever.
Now, we fast forward ten years. And I'm sick to shit of number seven. I am guilty of powering the FFVII machine by my purchase of Crisis Core a few months back, but I was mostly interested in just playing a game with good graphics on the PSP. Had they replaced Zack Fair with someone like Dante or Solid Snake, I would've been just as content, perhaps even more. I've cobbled together a list of reasons, some logical, but most of them random, as to why I think Square Enix needs to do what they should've done years ago: kill the fuckin' game.
1. Fanfics
FFVII sucks for the same reason that a show like "Heroes" sucks; it's outstayed it's welcome like a half-retarded long-lost son practicing ukelele chords in your former garage. I'll try my best not to go off on a tangent, but "Heroes" is a poor excuse for what it used to be. I think it was around minute 13 of the first episode of this season that I realized I no longer cared what happened to Peter and all of his other cohorts. I now envision the season finale to involve a person named Robert finding a magic ticket like the one in Last Action Hero, transporting himself into the fictional world of "Heroes", tricking Sylar into killing every single character, and finding time to tap Hayden Panettiere on the way. Shit, I digress.
But yeah, fanfics. I'm not directly referring to the internet fanboys writing their erotic fanfics involving Yuffie and Red XIII, although there's something to be said about those kinds of people. I'm talking about "expanding" a universe that was already too big for its own good. There's a difference between enrichment and expansion, which is something too many directors and consequently fans fail to remember. I was rightfully skeptical of spinning off the original "Matrix" into a trilogy; by expanding the universe, they effectively stripped the first movie of its philosophical and theoretical weight. Zion was no longer a hypothetical state of existence because you fucking saw the city and its inhabitants doing that rave shit.
Final Fantasy VII will not, and should not ever be considered high literature. The environmental subtext of the game is fleeting at best. When I say "weight", I'm referring to our collective experiences as game enthusiasts and what we experienced when playing the game. Like I said, the story of Final Fantasy VII will never be mentioned in the same breath as Kurt Vonnegut or Thomas Pynchon, unless to make a point like I just did. But the power of storytelling in games is the player's emotional investment in the characters and the outcome of the story because of their direct actions (or as direct as a controller allows them to be). A huge part of Final Fantasy's charm as a franchise was that each game was set in its own universe with its own characters and environment. No two games were alike. The fact that Square Enix now finds it fit to create a game based on Armani-clad punks that appear for all of ten minutes just screams of laziness and greed.
2. Emo-cicity
Another innovation FFVII had a hand in delivering was emo-fying its main character as much as possible. With the introduction of Cloud, gone was the brainwashed Terra's search for identity. Gone were the demons of Cecil's past waiting to be confronted in a moment of crisis. Now, the brooding, antisocial male was the staple JRPG linchpin main character.
If there's one thing Square Enix is expert at, it's establishing a connection with its core audience. Japanese kids are one thing, the shojo reading bunch that they are. Weaboos are more or less the same, adorning their desktops with photoshopped images of Rinoa from FFVIII with her hands outstretched and "I'll be waiting for you" scribbled across the bottom of the screen in faux-calligraphy.
I can't stand the fuckin' emo heroes of Square Enix anymore. Cloud was once an interesting addition to the series' expanding roster because he was such a contrast to the starry-eyed optimism of previous heroes in earlier Final Fantasies. In hindsight, he's a manufactured joke.
Of course, Cloud is nowhere near as bad as the weaboo population's favorite JRPG character of all time: Squall from FFVIII. Seeing that the asshole with a dark past/heart/unrequited love formula worked like gangbusters, Square decided to remanufacture and reskin Cloud into the equally ridiculously named Squall Leonhart. If anything, the one-two punch of Cloud and then Squall set a precedent in ongoing character design for Square Enix (refer to earlier post for visual reference). The problem is, the now discerning game-buying population isn't daft; they can tell the difference between genuine and forced pathos, and Square Enix has the latter in spades.
Then again, all of this doesn't apply to the weaboo population that thrives on the romance of saving the world through the power of emo, co-opting their virtual emo/erotic fanfics in place of their real-life social failings with the opposite sex. Ah, well.
3. The Music of FFVII
Nobuo Uematsu is one of the greatest video game composers of all time. The "World of Balance" theme song from FFVI remains one of my favorite compositions, in or out of a game. When Mr. Uematsu shuffles off his mortal coil and his soul flutters up to the gates of Heaven, perhaps the only crime he will have to answer for will be "One-Winged Angel", the track that plays during the player's final battle with Sephiroth.
"One-Winged Angel" represents everything that is bad about overblown JRPGs replete with a smug satisfaction of its own grandeur, its hubris vocalized with every single note sung by the chorus who's just being paid to be there. I've always had a problem with the faux-operatic chorus in any kind of composition, particularly action movies and techno songs, because its a cop-out method of superficially elevating an otherwise bland and uncreative piece of work to a higher realm of induced urgency and forced gravity. In other words, and I'm going to use this term again, perhaps having fallen victim to it as well, it's lazy, cheap, and unimaginative. Hardly what one would expect from the John Williams of game music.
But try telling that to the perma-ejaculating fanbase of Final Fantasy VII, otherwise known as the weaboos, who, in their infinite wisdom and immaculate taste, have elevated this song to Beethoven's Ninth-like proportions of art and cultural relevancy.
Like I said, I'm a huge fan of Mr. Uematsu. This is why I shudder whenever I find a new AMV on Youtube utilizing this stain on an otherwise spotless track record of compositions, created by some pimply-faced charlatan who exists as living proof and reason as to why weaboos should not be allowed to purchase MacBooks. I'm still trying to decide what kind of AMV I despise more: those set to "One-Winged Angel" or those set to Linkin Park's "In The End." Shudder.
Okay, just a few reasons why I believe Final Fantasy VII should go away. Upon re-reading some of my listed reasons, I've come to reconcile, that most likely, I don't want Final Fantasy VII to go away. Rather, I want weaboos to go away, those who have the audacity to compare their cosplaying habits of directly lifting a pre-designed outfit from an existing character with Shakespeare productions at the Globe Theater. You, weaboos, are the reason Square Enix can't be bothered to create decent IPs like The World Ends With You anymore, because they're stuck in a perpetual Sisyphus-like conundrum in figuring out what better ways to waste their limited resources by pleasing you fuckers. Before you learn how to write your name in Kanji, Hiragana, and Katakana, figure out how you can demand more from a company that once stood for innovation and clarity.
Weaboos, please go away.
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