There, but for the grace of God

More with the pictures. This is something Zoe and I came across while making our way back to campus from the U-Center near the subway station in Wudaokou, something that caused me to giggle and jump about with boundless, childlike energy.

The picture, like almost everything I've posted pertaining to China, is self-explanatory.

Sonic The Hedgehog fans, or at least the ones that have clung onto the series misstep after misstep, are a special breed of internet denizens, engaged in all sorts of tomfoolery such as marrying the titular racin' rodent via website, or anonymously proclaiming masturbatory habits and pleasing themselves to Sonic, but driving around on the streets in your very own Sonic-mobile? I honestly don't know what to make of it. What I really want to do is just curl up into a ball and let the tears that flow freely from my eyes carry me to a safe, warm place.

On a quasi-lighter note: Not that I wish any harm on anyone, but if, and God forbid, but if this car were to ever get into some kind of collision, I wonder if a dozens of gold rings would explode from it? Just curious, is all.

“囧” and found lulz

Although I find the symbol-based written Chinese language to be a headache and a half at times, ie. all the time, I'm finding that as my proficiency goes up, my appreciation of it does as well. This is one example。

囧

You're reading that entirely correctly. That is, in fact, a word in the Chinese language. Pronounced "jiong3", the word originally referred to a form of plant. But as the internets have evolved, so has language (or devolved, take your pick), as the word is now akin to "something that causes one to facepalm, Picard-style." That's my definition, at least.

As an emoticon, word, and now cultural phenomenon, 囧 is full of win.

There's a website called "A Jiong A Day." As you might've guessed, it's all in Chinese, but if you can understand it, it's actually pretty fuckin' hilarious.

Also, in my attempt to claim-jump Engrish.com's well-treaded ground, I took a snapshot of a sign in the campus' Chaoshifa market. I don't know if it qualifies as found lulz, but for the sake of convenience, I henceforth declare found lulz as anything that is unintentionally funny.


As far as negative stereotypes go, you guys aren't exactly helping. And by negative stereotypes, I'm obviously referring to lack of English spot-checking.

Oh me.

Monster *unter

Even though I've effectively sworn off WoW and pretty much all MMOs of various shape, form, and payment structure, I still understand the draw of what Blizzard hath wrought upon this earth, what with the constant updating of tier-based and seasonal gear for completionists around the world. I also understand the draw of WoW in Asian countries, as the PC is the dominant platform for gameplay and consoles (ie. the single-player experience) are generally a more fringe-based niche for game enthusiasts.

So, a trend I'm not following is the fixation on Monster Hunter 2nd G in Japan and here, my homebase of China.

Maybe "not following" is a misleading term here. Monster Hunter isn't a bad game per se; I understand the appeal of the game on many levels. For one thing, the game has a lot of charm in its design and gameplay perks. The art design is excellent and foregoes a lot of tired Japanese game-art conventions, such as uber-zippers and flowing robes adorned with multi-color fleur-de-lis' in favor for a more rugged, yet aesthetically logical approach to the character, creature, and armor design. Also, the cats. Gotta love the cats.

Another part of the appeal of Monster Hunter is the WoW-like accumulation of goods and items, and more specifically, teh gear. The whole drive to make your character look as kewl as possible, and all that. I've been on that bit before in the MMO context, and it's more or less the same here.

All of that above spells a recipe for addiction like Monster Hunter's MMO influences. So where's the problem?

Glad you asked. The problem rests entirely with the combat, which plays in 3rd-person action, with a free camera angle controlled by the player. For one thing, combat plays as a whiff-fest, where even the fastest weapon type, the twin blades, constantly miss their mark on even the most sluggish of mobs. All attacks are carried out in the same 4-hit chain, or 3-hit and so on, depending on weapon type, with no variation in combos. In addition, the combos aren't cancellable. You can dodge to the side with the "x" button, true, but this is only after you're done with what is presumably a whiffed combo on a monster. Patience isn't the answer here, either, due to the frustratingly proactive activity of the monsters you're tasked to hunt, meaning the second you run up for a jumping attack, the monster most likely has you pinned down with a high-priority attack of it's own. The whiffing is caused by the fact that, unlike other games, the combos, once initiated, cannot be cancelled mid-move and the direction of the attack cannot be adjusted. Even a game like Soul Calibur isn't this unforgiving, and it's a fighting game, of all things.

Because of the game's MMO-like aspirations, there is a surprisingly deep number of options and actions available to your character. This sounds nice in theory, but when you consider the PSP as a handheld gaming console, you begin to realize how prohibitive the control set-up is when being pummeled by an entourage of raptors in a corner. The 'R' shoulder button handles your weapon's special attribute, which goes against the convention of swaying the camera as fits your current position in relation to the monsters. Camera duties then, are mapped to a single button, the "L" shoulder button, in which a quick tap swings the camera directly behind your character. Once again, this sounds workable in theory, and for the most part, it is. But "workable" in a 3rd-person action game is inexcusable.

One of the biggest complaints regarding Ninja Gaiden 2 for the Xbox 360 was the camera control, as the camera, many reviews posited, did not follow the action well enough. However, the difference here is that Ryu has an effective blocking-plus-counter system, which means that with proper timing, one could work themselves out of even the most demanding of enemy bottlenecks. Also, as a linear action game that progresses via stages, Ninja Gaiden 2's camera shouldn't be a tremendous issue. It's safe to assume that anyone who hasn't learned to do a quick tap of the Right Trigger button before letting down their guard to attack by stage 2 simply isn't paying attention to what they're doing wrong. Monster Hunter, in contrast, is an open-world game with enemies approaching from all sides, with areas divided by invisible barriers. Thanks to the camera, it's possible to enter a zone with a boss mob waiting to bite your ass, with the player completely ignorant to the fact until they've suddenly lost 1/3rd of their life bar in one hit.

Another contrast with the aforementioned Ninja Gaiden 2 is the enemy actions you come up against. It's not so much that the enemy AI is advanced as it is unfair. There is no Metroid-like moment of invulnerability after getting hit, which means the player continues to take damage as he or she recovers, with the recovery being a slow get-up and then unsheathing of the weapon. If backed into a corner, it's safe to assume the player will receive a beat-down of epic proportions that even the cheapest of Street Fighter II players would grimace at. If it's a challenge the game is meaning to present, it's missing the point. Devil May Cry 3 and Ninja Gaiden 2 have proven that target lock-on and intuitive attack trajectory do not necessarily make a game easier.

Why am I comparing Ninja Gaiden 2 to what is ostensibly an RPG with action game elements? Specifically, I'm being so harsh to Monster Hunter's combat system because of how big a part combat plays to the game in item collection and quest completion. Ninja Gaiden 2 is a game that I've died numerous times in trying to obtain the 20 Microsoft Spacebucks Tecmo miserly tenders as a reward for completing their game, and with exception to the exploding armadillo fucks that you have to face a total of three times, and I've gotten the "Indomitable Spirit" achievement, which at the time, made me want to throw my controller instead of knowingly laugh, but never once did I feel cheated in death. If anything, the game made me want to improve my ability to chain combos, quickly move into a dodge either through dash or wall-kick, slam down on the nearest enemy, and then follow up with an execution to the demon hobbling towards me. Finishing a level or defeating a boss without using any health items or Ninjutsu scrolls gave me a real sense of accomplishment. The Spacebucks didn't hurt, either.

Both games have enemies that are agile, aggressive, and possess attacks that can decimate the player in a matter of milliseconds. Both games also have that self-adjusting camera that creates numerous pains in the ass. Also, both games are incredibly difficult. The difference lies in the fact that one game rewards the player if the player is willing to come to grips with that they're doing wrong and improve on it. The other game, namely Monster Hunter has no such sense of accomplishment, with whatever sense of "achievement" solely resting on the prettier armor and weapons the player can craft as the game progresses, a visually superficial reward as opposed to a sense of self-satisfaction. Monster Hunter is difficult, yes, but for all the wrong reasons.

My point here is that there is a distinct difference between "fucking difficult" and "fucking unfair", which is what Monster Hunter is (the latter, in case my sentence construction wasn't clear). Monster Hunter's flawed combat is forgivable to an extent. Like any RPG, a huge emphasis is placed on gear and inventory management, and shit like stat boosts. That's understandable. What isn't understandable is how tedious and needlessly frustrating it is the process of obtaining said items is. Publisher Capcom isn't new to the action game medium; if anything, it's solely responsible for giving the 3rd-person action game genre a swift kick in the taint with the Devil May Cry series, a series that has forced me to sit through countless "Game Over" screens, especially the third one, the difficult romp that it was. But like Ninja Gaiden 2, my deaths never felt unfair. If anything, I was just too slow to the draw.

Monster Hunter, on the other hand, is unfair for the aforementioned reasons I've just listed, coupled with some of the most unforgiving enemy monsters I've ever encountered in a game. Unforgiving, because of the abominable amount of whiffing taking place. Unforgiving, because half of the time, you can't see them. Unforgiving, also, because all their moves knock you down, forcing your character to then stand up slowly and regain his bearings, which, when finished, usually means the monster is gearing up for another attack. Forget about the paintballs and smoke bombs; even if you do manage to hit the monster with these tools (which are untargetable, by the way, but that was probably inferred), it doesn't change the fact that even with the strongest of equipment, it'll take you at least 10 minutes to finish off one boss mob. In third-person action games, where a two minute-long boss fight feels like an hour, this is intolerable. It's difficult for me to justify all of my hard work in obtaining the strongest available gear if all it means is that I have to hit the monster 500 times instead of 600 times with my new, shiny weapon. A weapon that'll probably whiff 60% of the time, to boot.

As noted before, Monster Hunter 2nd G is an Action-RPG hybrid. I've covered the action element, so how does the RPG element fare in comparison? Not well, either. The farming, item collection, and ad hoc wireless options are excellent, if I could get that out of the way first. The problem is, like any RPG, progress is directly tacked to combat and the results of battling difficult monsters. And as I've stated before, your character will always feel underpowered and outgunned no matter how powerful his or her gear may be. I understand that the presence of the farming option is meant to alleviate some of the pain in finding loot out in the field, but the only way to obtain farm plots are via guild points. And guess how guild points are obtained? That's right: combat. Ugh.

Monster Hunter's problem, to me, rests entirely with the fact that as both an RPG-like and action-like game, it isn't entirely sure what kind of game it wants to be. Like I said, I have a feeling the design choice in handling combat was entirely deliberate. Capcom has an outstanding track record with games that can keep a player engaged, no matter how many continues the player has to shred through to reach that final cutscene. The deliberacy of the combat design is the creators, I'm guessing, stressing the importance of the multiplayer aspect, and how fruitless and/or dangerous it is to go alone. That's nice and fine and all, but it doesn't change the fact that if the combat is flawed in single-player, then multiplayer, too, will have the same broken combat mechanics and all the frustrations and tedium that bring single-player down.

All of the aforementioned then, begs the question that if this game is so inherently flawed, why are so many people playing it? Simple: because it's the only game of its kind. There's something inherently cool about having that portable MMO experience. In an urban setting like Beijing or, say, Tokyo, where foot traffic dominates the streets and numerous gamer-friendly establishments replete with cheap drinks and snacks can be found block after block, it's easy to see how a group of friends can lose themselves for an entire afternoon hunting after rare mobs and crafting epic gear. I'm not disputing this fact of reality and the tendencies of Asian youth that go with it. All I'm doing is pointing out what I think is wrong with the game, on my own terms and own opinions. I'm putting my own personal stamp of disapproval on the game, as nobly designed as it is. Maybe it's my harsh initiation into the 3rd-person action game genre with Devil May Cry and Onimusha, or my console roots that have certain expectations about the way a game should be played, but in a game as combat-heavy as Monster Hunter, the combat is a total deal-breaker for me. As much as I tried to like this game, I ultimately couldn't, even after hiring my first cat to cook shitty mapo tofu for me and visibly smiling at my character sprawling on the floor in disgust.

For now, until Resistance: Retribution comes out, I'm sticking with my DS. Call me a girl, but I'm sorry, that's where the games are. At least this way I'm less inclined to throw a $130 piece of technology across the room.

"'What' ain't no country I ever heard of!!!"

"So, how's the weather tonight? Is it as cold as it was earlier?"
"Um... not as cold as before. The wind's more or less died down."
"Oh, that's good. Is it cold in... where you're from?"
"Nah, it's actually pretty warm year-round."
"Where are you from again?"
"What?"
"Where are you from?"
"America. Los Angeles. California."
"Oh, that's right."
"Yup."
...
"Are you sure?"

Games that need to go away: FFVII

Final Fantasy VII was the reason I wanted a Playstation one. There, I said it. I loved the hell out of FFIV and then FFVI, but nothing prepared me for the then-advanced CG cutscenes and next-gen graphics that the seventh iteration of my favorite franchise had to offer. After playing the demo that was packaged with Parasite Eve and blowing up the Mako factory over and over again at my friend's house, I was convinced that Final Fantasy VII was like, totally, the greatest game ever.

Now, we fast forward ten years. And I'm sick to shit of number seven. I am guilty of powering the FFVII machine by my purchase of Crisis Core a few months back, but I was mostly interested in just playing a game with good graphics on the PSP. Had they replaced Zack Fair with someone like Dante or Solid Snake, I would've been just as content, perhaps even more. I've cobbled together a list of reasons, some logical, but most of them random, as to why I think Square Enix needs to do what they should've done years ago: kill the fuckin' game.

1. Fanfics


FFVII sucks for the same reason that a show like "Heroes" sucks; it's outstayed it's welcome like a half-retarded long-lost son practicing ukelele chords in your former garage. I'll try my best not to go off on a tangent, but "Heroes" is a poor excuse for what it used to be. I think it was around minute 13 of the first episode of this season that I realized I no longer cared what happened to Peter and all of his other cohorts. I now envision the season finale to involve a person named Robert finding a magic ticket like the one in Last Action Hero, transporting himself into the fictional world of "Heroes", tricking Sylar into killing every single character, and finding time to tap Hayden Panettiere on the way. Shit, I digress.

But yeah, fanfics. I'm not directly referring to the internet fanboys writing their erotic fanfics involving Yuffie and Red XIII, although there's something to be said about those kinds of people. I'm talking about "expanding" a universe that was already too big for its own good. There's a difference between enrichment and expansion, which is something too many directors and consequently fans fail to remember. I was rightfully skeptical of spinning off the original "Matrix" into a trilogy; by expanding the universe, they effectively stripped the first movie of its philosophical and theoretical weight. Zion was no longer a hypothetical state of existence because you fucking saw the city and its inhabitants doing that rave shit.

Final Fantasy VII will not, and should not ever be considered high literature. The environmental subtext of the game is fleeting at best. When I say "weight", I'm referring to our collective experiences as game enthusiasts and what we experienced when playing the game. Like I said, the story of Final Fantasy VII will never be mentioned in the same breath as Kurt Vonnegut or Thomas Pynchon, unless to make a point like I just did. But the power of storytelling in games is the player's emotional investment in the characters and the outcome of the story because of their direct actions (or as direct as a controller allows them to be). A huge part of Final Fantasy's charm as a franchise was that each game was set in its own universe with its own characters and environment. No two games were alike. The fact that Square Enix now finds it fit to create a game based on Armani-clad punks that appear for all of ten minutes just screams of laziness and greed.

2. Emo-cicity


Another innovation FFVII had a hand in delivering was emo-fying its main character as much as possible. With the introduction of Cloud, gone was the brainwashed Terra's search for identity. Gone were the demons of Cecil's past waiting to be confronted in a moment of crisis. Now, the brooding, antisocial male was the staple JRPG linchpin main character.

If there's one thing Square Enix is expert at, it's establishing a connection with its core audience. Japanese kids are one thing, the shojo reading bunch that they are. Weaboos are more or less the same, adorning their desktops with photoshopped images of Rinoa from FFVIII with her hands outstretched and "I'll be waiting for you" scribbled across the bottom of the screen in faux-calligraphy.

I can't stand the fuckin' emo heroes of Square Enix anymore. Cloud was once an interesting addition to the series' expanding roster because he was such a contrast to the starry-eyed optimism of previous heroes in earlier Final Fantasies. In hindsight, he's a manufactured joke.


Of course, Cloud is nowhere near as bad as the weaboo population's favorite JRPG character of all time: Squall from FFVIII. Seeing that the asshole with a dark past/heart/unrequited love formula worked like gangbusters, Square decided to remanufacture and reskin Cloud into the equally ridiculously named Squall Leonhart. If anything, the one-two punch of Cloud and then Squall set a precedent in ongoing character design for Square Enix (refer to earlier post for visual reference). The problem is, the now discerning game-buying population isn't daft; they can tell the difference between genuine and forced pathos, and Square Enix has the latter in spades.

Then again, all of this doesn't apply to the weaboo population that thrives on the romance of saving the world through the power of emo, co-opting their virtual emo/erotic fanfics in place of their real-life social failings with the opposite sex. Ah, well.

3. The Music of FFVII


Nobuo Uematsu is one of the greatest video game composers of all time. The "World of Balance" theme song from FFVI remains one of my favorite compositions, in or out of a game. When Mr. Uematsu shuffles off his mortal coil and his soul flutters up to the gates of Heaven, perhaps the only crime he will have to answer for will be "One-Winged Angel", the track that plays during the player's final battle with Sephiroth.

"One-Winged Angel" represents everything that is bad about overblown JRPGs replete with a smug satisfaction of its own grandeur, its hubris vocalized with every single note sung by the chorus who's just being paid to be there. I've always had a problem with the faux-operatic chorus in any kind of composition, particularly action movies and techno songs, because its a cop-out method of superficially elevating an otherwise bland and uncreative piece of work to a higher realm of induced urgency and forced gravity. In other words, and I'm going to use this term again, perhaps having fallen victim to it as well, it's lazy, cheap, and unimaginative. Hardly what one would expect from the John Williams of game music.

But try telling that to the perma-ejaculating fanbase of Final Fantasy VII, otherwise known as the weaboos, who, in their infinite wisdom and immaculate taste, have elevated this song to Beethoven's Ninth-like proportions of art and cultural relevancy.

Like I said, I'm a huge fan of Mr. Uematsu. This is why I shudder whenever I find a new AMV on Youtube utilizing this stain on an otherwise spotless track record of compositions, created by some pimply-faced charlatan who exists as living proof and reason as to why weaboos should not be allowed to purchase MacBooks. I'm still trying to decide what kind of AMV I despise more: those set to "One-Winged Angel" or those set to Linkin Park's "In The End." Shudder.

Okay, just a few reasons why I believe Final Fantasy VII should go away. Upon re-reading some of my listed reasons, I've come to reconcile, that most likely, I don't want Final Fantasy VII to go away. Rather, I want weaboos to go away, those who have the audacity to compare their cosplaying habits of directly lifting a pre-designed outfit from an existing character with Shakespeare productions at the Globe Theater. You, weaboos, are the reason Square Enix can't be bothered to create decent IPs like The World Ends With You anymore, because they're stuck in a perpetual Sisyphus-like conundrum in figuring out what better ways to waste their limited resources by pleasing you fuckers. Before you learn how to write your name in Kanji, Hiragana, and Katakana, figure out how you can demand more from a company that once stood for innovation and clarity.

Weaboos, please go away.

Beating a dead, rotted twice-over horse with another dead horse

Here's something you might've heard me sputter from time to time: I can't stand White people. Here's a more specific opinion you might've heard me to vocalize from time to time: I can't stand White men. And here's as appropriately specific as I can get: I can't stand White men in China.

Ladies and gentlement of the court, I now direct your attention to

Exhibit "A".

No, this is not the equivalent of a militant liberal college student filling his library with nothing but Noam Chomsky and Howard Zinn. This is not an affirmation of my beliefs while living here. This is simply an example, put on display, of how living in a foreign country brings out the worst in people.

It's safe to assume that the guy in the call would've lodged the same kind of complaint to a smarmy Best Buy employee or maybe to a store manager at a local fast food chain. His complaining isn't what bothers me-- it's the statement he makes towards the end of the clip about a certain, billion-strong race of people that rubs me in all sorts of the wrong way like a fucked-up shiatsu being admininstered by two lucha libradors. And no, it's not about how they can't drive.

Americans are under the false impression that China needs them. To some extent, this is true. In a modern, globalized economy, this is kind of a take-it-or-leave-it. When they arrive in this strange land to gaze upon the fields that they helped cultivate, foreigners beam proudly like a delusional parent at a gifted child's piano recital, thinking that they are the ones responsible for their spawn's outcome. Not true. China isn't westernizing-- it's modernizing. If we really want to split hairs and talk about a culture that refuses to look both inward and outward in terms of progress, let's start with our own red,white, and blue.

It's a point of pride for me to claim my heritage from China and I have a feeling that nothing short of a holocaust of puppies initiated by Hu Jintao would make me feel otherwise. Race war it is, then. I'm starting with those Proust-reading fools at the Bridge Cafe.

Jumping 4 joy

Co-op is the way of the future in games. Much as the way Team Deathmatch has become a standard on-line option in any game involving a crosshair or some kind of projectile in the last few years, good, reliable co-op is the next step. I'd be surprised if any hardcore game that releases in the next year neglects some kind of drop-in/drop-out co-op function. I don't think co-op has hit the level of selling point for most games, yet; hardcore deathmatch players and those looking for that story/character-driven experience expect different things from their games, after all. But it's getting there. On a personal note, it's what made me endure all iterations of Dynasty Warriors. Shitty, repetitive game, but it is fun cutting through non-existent AI enemy soldiers with another person equally as invincible as you.

That being said, I've been waiting for ages 4 Left 4 Dead. Cheesy mid-90s West Coast hip-hop-esque title aside, this is a game that I had a good feeling about right from the start. Maybe it's my passive nature, appreciation of working together with cohorts, or antagonism towards racial-slur spouting 13 year-olds on Xbox Live, but I loved the idea of team-based co-op gameplay. A few years ago, many of the "oh my God, you'll never believe what happened in an on-line match" conversations would reason to be strictly derived from deathmatch-only matches, but with this game, the endless swath of zombies along with the presence of the Boss Infected bots makes for intense run-and-gun gameplay that stresses the idea of players working in unison as opposed to four people who happen to have friendly fire turned off in the console.

Also, imagine the advanced griefing techniques that will arise from more options and innovations in co-op gameplay. Mmmmm.

My initial expectations, as I've surveyed on Metacritic, will come to fruition in a few minutes when my gift-ed copy of Left 4 Dead finishes downloading on Steam (Steam uses a pretty nifty IP blocker that bans users from using an international card abroad; sad face).

Thanks again, Randy. You're too awesome 4 words.

Onwards, zombie-slaying companions. I call Zoe.

So long 4 now.

No title, but yet another update

Oh, blog. How I've neglected you.

I've been showing one of my favorite movies of all time, Road To Perdition, in my class. It's ideal because the language in the movie isn't too complicated, there's enough pathos and 'cute' moments for the girls, plus there's also enough male posturing and swagger for the guys in my class. As of tomorrow, I will have seen this movie about thirteen times this week, a number bordering on Star Wars trilogy statistics. Previously, I showed The Shawshank Redemption, so I'm keeping a unified theme with the Thomas Newman-scored movies.


As far as games go, I've been rediscovering old-school Playstation games on my homebrew-ified PSP (my attention span and wallet thank you, Mr. Zhang at Hailong Dasha). I started up a new game of Parasite Eve, in hopes of finally beating the New Game+ / Chrysler Tower grind. I'm thinking that I'm older and wiser, so maybe this time getting strong enough gear is possible. It's kind of hard to believe this game, along with other classics, are edging on 10 years-plus in age, but then again, it isn't. The prerendered backgrounds, plus the interaction with environment that requires you to stand on a specific spot down to the pixel all shrieks of gaming standards of yesteryear that wouldn't stand a chance against the comparatively lax template on which games are graded today (ie. IGN and Game Informer, but I didn't need to spell that out, anyway). I don't care what all retrospective reviews might say about Parasite Eve; I loved it. From its depiction of NYPD cops as urban warriors with their own high-tech armory to its indulgent overuse of obfuscation of everyone involved, including, probably the very same people who wrote the script, I'm reloving every minute of it.

Also, Zoe is a fucking amazing artist. I don't need to write any overwrought description here; I'll let her art do the talking:


This is a picture of one of the multiple WoW toons she uses, a Level 70 Night Elf Druid who carries the unfortunate name of Avisa (her 5v5 buddies nicknamed her AV, as in Adult Video in Japan, as in films that involve a lot of scatology and schoolgirl fetishes). Creepy Japanese businessman pasttimes aside, I'm goddamn speechless.

Zoe also snapped a few pics of her and co-workers character designs for their upcoming MMO, but out of respect to the little thing called "copyright", I will not post them. But they are impressive, let me say that.

Speaking of which, here's the artist herself, bathed in a radiant glow of sunlight. Zoe, you're amazing.


Finally, Ein had his first bath yesterday. There wasn't much in the way of whimpering, but there was a lot of cute puppy dog eyes that begged the question, "how long is this shit going to take?" Here is the pup after said bath:


All together now: Awwwwwww.

Gameschlop

Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm jumping onto yet another bandwagon, here... namely, the official "Fuck Gamestop" bandwagon.

I'll be honest, while living in the States, I shopped at Gamestop pretty often. It was pretty much out of convenience, as I don't like dealing with long lines and washing machines. Plus, I like the pizazz a particular register monkey put on the word "EDGE GAMER CARD." I'll never sign up for one, as I don't trade-in games or buy used games, so it'd probably take me a while to recoup my losses from the combined purchase of that piece of plastic that they don't have on file, plus a year-long subscription to the best game advertisement rag around, Game Informer, but I digress. Hearing a socially awkward teen offer you an "edge" because you're one of his kind, a gamer, through and through, son... that's just all sorts of boner-inducing, physically and emotionally.

And when I return to the States? I'll probably resume shopping at Gamestop. Once again, out of convenience. A while ago, I was big on corporate accountability. A company, I believe, should be held accountable for unfair labor practices, unethical business methods, and so on and so forth. A little while ago, I grew up. It's not so much that I'll "go to bed" with these big companies per se, as many first-year liberalized college students would have you believe, it's just that I don't see the point in fighting a pointless battle on an individual scale that is individually unwinnable by the average person. Yes, I'm the average person. And guess what? So are you.

An unwinnable battle, to me, is basically a karmic victory. By choosing not to give a company such as Taco Bell or The Gap your business, you are making a point to the universe that you are a person who is ethically grounded and aware of evil when you see it. Unfortunately, you're your only audience. I'm still fascinated that people believe the phrase "you've just lost a customer" holds any water at any kind of retail chain. Unless you're a struggling ma-and-pop operation, that phrase doesn't mean shit for shit. And here's the thing. After the smoke has cleared and the streets have been swept clean of the aftermath of your personal ticker-tape parade, the company will continue to proffer the same questionable sales practices and you'll have gained nothing in your life. Except maybe a longer driving route to get the same thing.

So, what does all of this aforementioned reckoning have to do with my jumping on the bandwagon? Nothing, really. I've always known Gamestop was a shitty retailer to buy products from. I didn't say anything when my copy of Jeanne D'Arc for the PSP had scratches on it because it was formerly a display copy, ie. the last copy in the store. I held my composure when I was handed a copy of Gears of War for the PC without an instruction manual. Finally, I swore to the high heavens but did not break any furniture when Gamestop's on-line arm suddenly cancelled my pre-order of Gears of War 2 and Wrath of the Lich King Collector's Edition without warning or any kind of notification, while still managing to charge me shipping and handling for a phantom item I would not be receiving. I was mostly pissed about the Lich King edition, mainly 'cause that stuff goes fast. And it's got an art book. A really pretty art book.

I guess this post is more of a reminder to myself in not getting too angry when shit like this happens because shit, has and will eventually happen. So, I give this situation a heartfelt and resounding "fuck Gamestop and it's shitty customer service", but that's really all I've got. Like I said, when I return to the States, I'll probably resume buying my games at the Gamestop on La Paz and Oso, nestled between the quaint little coffee shop called Starbucks and that charming little bistro Arby's.

As an epilogue to this classical hero's journey, I searched a little on-line and settled on re-ordering my copy of Gears of War 2 and Wrath of the Lich King Collector's Edition off of Newegg.com, a site that has provided me with excellent customer service and quick shipping in the past. Something I should've done to begin with, come to think of it.

The moral of this story? Do whatever works, and when shit goes down, you've got no one to blame. Just fix that shit. You got that, Robert?

Ein! Stop eating tha-- ah, shit

Zoe and I are desperately in love with our puppy. A few times a day, Zoe will die from cuteness while watching Ein's antics. What she does not die from is, however, the fact that Ein will oftentimes partake in a fine delicacy we humans do not have advanced enough tastebuds to appreciate-- that is, his feces. Disgusting habit, but we're weaning off of him. We have to use the Rolled-Up China Daily of Death to teach him lessons about bad habits sometimes, banhammering his feces-eating problem from existence. He's getting better. I think.

Other than that, pictures! Ein's grown in size since we first bought him, but I have a feeling that he'll always be a little puppy in my mind.


These past two weeks, Ein's been shedding a lot of his fur. His back is now more of the same color as the fur on his head, which is a nice golden-brown, like the Stranglers song. Except for the whole thing about heroin. What was I talking about again?

Lastly, here's Ein doing what he does best besides eating feces: playing.




Ein isn't all growns-up yet; but he's getting there.

It's universal

You've just been dumped by a cheating bitch of a girlfriend who used your favorite copy of Punisher War Journal as a rag, fucked your best friend at your little sister's birthday party, and then called her mother a whore in front of your entire family. You've sworn to yourself and your friends time and time again over Pabst Blue Ribbon beers that you'd dump that slut the next chance you got.

But your problem was, is, and has always been the fact that you're an insecure little bitch. Sure, letting this chick know that you're a person with feelings, too, and then ultimately giving her the heave-ho sounds great. Nothing would put your mind more at ease than letting go of someone who has been a negative influence on your psyche, but somehow, you can't. You know if you let this one go, you probably won't ever have anyone in your life that will let you touch them intimately, let alone call them your "girlfriend" in front of your friends, the same people who slowly lose respect for you with each repeated lecture on love and relationships they give you late at night in the parking lot at Jack In The Box.

As your insecurity grows, your ability to fend for yourself weakens. Your girlfriend continues to run you into the ground emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially, until one day-- she's gone. Like a fart in the Staples Center. She did what you couldn't do; she got rid of you, when you knew it should've been the other war around. Now you're feeling empty inside, but it's a bittersweet emptiness with the majority of it resting on the "-sweet" side. Although you're free of this blackened menace that was purging the lifeblood out of you, you're now directionless as you no longer have a bitch girlfriend to appease. There's a reason they call it "growing on someone."

However, with the exocommunication of your former girlfriend comes a new lease on life. You're not sure where your life is going to lead you now, and yet there's this jittery, butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling you can't quite shake. You are now master of your own destiny, and you're still open to the prospect of love, despite how badly you've been hurt in the past. Maybe it's partly the shadow of your insecurity, maybe it's because you've always managed to remain optimistic despite the worst of situations and outcomes, or maybe it's both. But right now, that doesn't matter. You're out there now. You're working out, you're reading books you've always wanted to read, and you're meeting new people. You're getting involved. And it feels goooood.

Then, one day, out of the blue, comes a new girl into your life. It's like that old cliche goes, where the one you were meant to be with was always just under your nose. Where has this person been all my life? you ask yourself as you gaze at her sauntering down the street, her auburn hair flowing, gently caressed by the winds that seem to come and go at her beck and call, equally enamored with her luminence as you are. You've seen the worst the female population has to offer and now you can't help but feel like you're standing at the throes of the best. You like everything about this girl. You like the way she laughs. You like her choice in music. You like her taste in cuisine. Your last girlfriend swore by holiday sales at the Gap, which you knew in your heart of hearts was wrong, due to the company's spotty track record and involvement with sweatshop labor. But this new girl? She shops strictly at American Apparel. Something's different about this girl.

So, you get to know her, take things slow. You find out more about her. And just like your infatuation with her taste in humor, music, and food, you like what you hear. Now, we fast-forward to less than a year later. Things are getting really, really serious between you two. The thing you love the most about her is how well she speaks her mind. Every morning, as you two lay between the sheets that act as a conductor between the rest of the population and your own private world, she talks to you in her mellifluous, honey-dripping voice. She knows how bad you've been hurt in the past. You wear no scars on your body; it's your heart and your soul she's looking into. She promises you that with her, things will be different. As she softly kisses you on your quivering lips, your mind blissfully drifts and you sneak a look at the rays of sunlight that are beginning to creep through the window.

Your heart, too, is adrift with questions. You're madly, deeply in love, and you know things will be, as she said, different this time. Much in the way the pious reconcile their faith in the unknown, you also rest your trust in this intangible yet profound sense of change you are eager to experience. And yet, the questions. The questions. Will it ever be safe for me to love again? Can I really trust her? And the burning question: How will things be this time around?

You'll have your answer in four years.