Fabula Nova CRYstalis

Earlier this week, it was announced at the end of the Microsoft E3 press conference that Final Fantasy XIII would no longer be exclusive to PS3. The internets, as expected, imploded, collapsed upon itself three times, and fucked itself in the ass while banging its head to Disturbed.

I've been doing what any spectator who does things on the internet for, as put so succinctly by others, the lulz; that is, massive trolling. The posters on Kotaku are level-headed enough where their expressions of regret are mostly directed at what this means for the future of the PS3, a console they really would like to see do just as well as the 360. You read that, and you think to yourself, "yeah, huh... I wonder how Sony's taking all of this."

But then, something magical happens when you go onto Google and type "Final fantasy xiii petition." Something wonderful and unique, yet quaintly nostalgic, bringing one to recall the ugly and frankly embarassing turn of events that transpired on the internets when it was announced that Devil May Cry 4 would be making its way to the 360 as well.

There's talk of (take your pick): selling out, disrespecting fans, and every third signature insists on calling Square-Enix out for its corporate greed. Somewhere along the way, there's mentions of Xbox 360 owners being "unable to appreciate Final Fantasy" and how they're just happy that Sony lost an exclusive. I can see where all of this is coming from, and I get it. Really, I do. You dropped half a year's allowance on a machine that allows you to live out your weaboo fantasies, and you need some kind of justification that the decision you made was correct. Pathetic, really. But I get it.

Fanboys, please do not paint in your little Final Fantasy VII AMV-creating minds an idealistic picture of Square-Enix as a non-profit organization that taps a mystical well of game creating faeries who, driven by their love of this strange creature known as man, only wish to bring the best to their fanbase. The name of the company itself, a merger of the two biggest effeminate chopping-block wielding galguy RPG makers in Japan, should be telltale enough. Square Enix is dedicated to pleasing as many of their fans as possible, because moving more units and having more fans equals more skrilla. At the end of the day, Square Enix does not give two flying shits about you, and that's the truth.

So, faced with this unbearable fact about the game industry, what should you, as a consumer avid about his (or hers.... maybe) love for games, do with that hard-earned/begged cash? Easy. You buy the games that warrant a purchase. If Final Fantasy XIII is a game that falls under this category, then by all means purchase that game and enjoy it as much as you can. No one has lost Final Fantasy XIII. If anything, the only thing PS3 fanboys have lost is a smug sense of self-satisfaction that provides them with supposed ammunition on the NeoGAF boards. Making fun of 360 owners for not being able to play a game that they supposedly "wouldn't appreciate in the first place." Which makes your argument moot. Huh.

And while we're addressing a cold, hard fact, let's address a more hypothetical but all-too-possible scenario. If Microsoft decided to port Halo 3 or Gears of War to the PS3, either game would fail hard, because PS3 fanboys would decline to buy the game simply out of spite. If fanboys are allowed to make generalizations, then so am I. I'm currently an Xbox 360 owner who previously owned and loved the hell out of his PS2, and I'm finding difficulty in justifying a purchase of PS3. I also own a Wii, DS, and PSP *gasp* If I bought products based solely on loyalty, I'd probably be broke. I think Square Enix is entitled to operate on the same logic as well, too. If you're as big a fan of Square Enix as you claim to be, wouldn't you want to see the company thrive in hopes of seeing more original IPs in the future? Kind of a whole "if you love it, set it free" thing. You figure it out.

So, stop crying Sony fanboys. Look on the bright side; at least now you have really funny, condescending jokes to make, like "I wonder how many discs they'll have to cram that game onto for the 360? Like 3? Possibly 4? *guffaw*

Excellent, quality stuff. Keep up you're good work.