Poo Human (...actually, not really)

Well, not really. I just wanted to sound pseudo-clever in trashing this game that has yet to be released. Which actually becomes moot, because, honestly, I really liked the Too Human demo they released on Xbox Live a week or so ago.

At first, the controls were kind of disorienting. The melee combat functions are mapped to the right analog stick, which means whichever direction you point the stick in, your character Baldur swings in that direction. The last two games I played that had the same control scheme were Blade 2 and Rise To Honor, two games that weren't very good. I've always been curious to see how far games could come along in delivering the kind of cinematic, unrealistic, against-all-odds melee combat seen formerly only in Hong Kong action movies, and I thought, even after putting up with the drudgery of Rise To Honor, that if done right, right analog combat could potentially give us this kind of experience.

With this in mind, I think, after my second run-through with the Too Human demo, that Silicon Knights has nailed it. I say my second run because initially, I was having difficulties with the combat, aiming, and camera controls during my first playthrough. Being an avid fan of games for so many years has conditioned me to expect certain things in third-person action combat; right analog controls the camera, you have one jump button, and you have two buttons that control strong and weak, or long-range and close melee attacks. If it sounds like I'm directly referencing God of War or the Devil May Cry series, it's because I am. Much in the way console FPSes have used Halo controls as a template, Devil May Cry more or less redefined the way a third-person action game is meant to be played.


However, the reason I'm now comfortable with Too Human's control scheme is because that it doesn't aim to be a God of War or DMC. As stated before in numerous interviews, Too Human is not a straight-up action game. Silicon Knights design takes the best elements of action-RPGs like Diablo and the previously mentioned DMC in an effort to make a satisfying dungeon-crawl / brawler hybrid. Although the controls aren't as tight as one accustomed to playing Devil May Cry would like, this game is an RPG first and foremost. You won't see people uploading videos of Too Human combo exhibitions set to music by Norwegian melodic black metal bands on YouTube anytime soon.

This doesn't mean that I don't still think that Denis Dyack is kind of a big reactionary crybaby, but I'm able to separate the artist and the product, unless it's someone like R. Kelly singing about how he needs a helping hand from Heaven right when he's being busted for making a video about peeing on underage girls. I can only imagine what said helping hand from the Heavens above would assist in holding.


So yeah, completely sold on the gameplay and controls. But that's not the biggest selling point for me. Call me whatever you'd like, but I'm really in love with the storyline and setting that Silicon Knights has crafted for Too Human. It's definitely a science-fiction setting, but through their interpretation of Norse mythology, Silicon Knights has created a really unique fantasy version of Star Wars-meets-Erich Von Daniken's Chariot of the Gods universe. Conspiracy theorist, X-Files lover, and then some; I'm very much gay for Too Human's storyline.


On a minor bit, I'm really hoping that the game's title has something, even on a cursory note, to do with the work it's clearly referencing, which is Human, All Too Human by Nietzsche. I could see some kind of Nietzschean undertones in the Xenosaga trilogy, but that's in the same way I could see Nietzschean undertones in just about any game dealing with an encroaching, ages-old force that corrupts those that feel its touch. If anything, I felt Ubisoft's Beyond Good and Evil was more clever in its reference, with the concept of media control and obfuscation pertaining to Nietzsche's work of the same name. But, that's a topic for a different day. I already used up my cosmic powers of the prententious while talking to MY GIRLFRIEND on the phone yesterday.

With all that in consideration, I have a feeling that Too Human isn't going to appeal to everyone on the scale of a Gears of War for the express reasons I'm looking forward to this game so much. Aside from all the missteps from the outset, what with the bad E3 showing about years ago, one thing I have to commend Silicon Knights on is the assumptions they make about their potential audience, which is (in my humble opinion) an older crowd raised on nostalgia of dungeon hack-and-slashers like Diablo and Rogue that gets giddy at the first mention of "random loot drops", and has a degree of familiarity with Norse mythology. Given the platform Too Human is being released on, the Xbox 360, I'd say that's not too many people. Which is a shame, because I think that Silicon Knights has something really special on their hands. On the same note, I think I'm going to name my high-horse Baldur in honor of this game.

In conclusion, here's an example of who Too Human is not made for:



Right to opinion aside, at least know what you're talking about prior to your attempt to give a game the MST3K treatment. And then failing. Miserably.

More on Soul Calibur tomorrow. In order to write about it, I have to be able to stop playing the damn game, which at this point is nigh impossible.

Quote for the week

I came across this quote while (or, as popularized by the internets, whilst) browsing Kotaku, which has a writer named Scott Alexander from Playboy magazine describing the old E3. As reluctant as I am to admit this, seeing how I've always viewed E3 (good or not) as somewhat of a mecca of videogaming culture that was somehow bolstered and made special by its two parts zeal and five parts excess, he's seriously fucking dead-on.

The old E3 was all the worst parts of nerd culture mashed up with all the worst parts of frat culture. When these two natural enemies join forces it can only presage the eldritch touch of Satan. Imagine a giant steaming helping of brain-dead rah-rah awesome bro 'tude combined with sweaty, hygenically challenged man-children futilely chasing their ever-receding childhoods.

Ouch. Truth hits everybody.

Something for everyone

As the console wars rage on, more and more previously unwilling souls are being forced to pick a side. One isn't necessarily better than the other, the warlords beckon. That's up to you which one you throw your support behind.

One of the biggest deciding factors for "teh true winnah" in the console wars is the quality of first and third party exclusive games. Some of you might not know this, but big triple-A releases such as Devil May Cry 4 and Assassin's Creed were originally slated to show up only on the Playstation 3. Microsoft, on the other hand, has not lost any exclusives. It'll be safe to say that even 4-5 years from now, we won't see ports of Halo 3 or Gears of War coming to the Playstation 3. Now, that's not necessarily fanboy baiting. Microsoft has always managed to pimp their products with ruthless efficiency that one would expect from a company made up of diminutive bespectacled white men. Case in point: how many people that purchased a computer between January of 2007 and now actually want to use Vista over XP?

So, to reiterate, that's not fanboy baiting. If anything, the decreasing amount of exclusive games for respective platforms only serves to emphasize the growing costs of video game production, now that we've entered the age of HD gaming. An easy way to fix the aforementioned problem with exclusive games?

That's easy; completely get rid of the concept of third-party exclusivity.

We live in an age of excess and choice. Go into an Wal-Mart or Target on a Saturday afternoon and behold the spectacle that is the human tragedy, with heifer after heifer struggling to push their carts down aisles upon aisles of economy-sized products littered with screaming children and unresponsive dead-eyed parents. But the key point is that no matter your choice of mega-market, be it Wal-Mart or Target, you'll still find the same spoiled children and irresponsible parents, just pushing different color carts.

So, let's analogize for a second here (huh, huh, anal) and draw the obvious comparisons. Economy-sized products? The games both platforms offer. The screaming children? The screaming children. That buys these games and bitch about exclusivitiy. Wal-Mart and Target? Xbox 360 and PS3, respectively, or PS3 and Xbox 360, respectively. It doesn't matter. There may be different in-store brands for products such as tissue paper or maybe fabric softener, but they both get A to B. After this year's jawbreaking yawnfest of E3, it's pretty evident true creativity and innovation doesn't matter. Sony is trying to copy Xbox 360, Xbox 360 is trying to bite the Wii (huh huh), and Nintendo still doesn't get it.

Don't get on my dick about, "derrr cell processor" or "grahhh 5 million pixels a second" and all that other shit that, at the end of the day, matters about as much as the bird shit that I seemingly have to wash off my car week in and week out. I've played both versions of Devil May Cry 4 and GTA IV, and guess what? They're the same damn thing.

Enough with the crying about exclusivity. Let's all enjoy our third-party games together like the fat fucking adults we should be.

Transazeroth

Two posts in one day, but I wanted to write this one while it was fresh in my head.

Currently, I'm running quests with a Night Elf Hunter. However, as my alt character, I decided to create a female character (also for the sake of messing with Elliot, who just started playing). I remember either hearing on the GFW podcast or reading in the magazine that female characters (NOT players, mind you) will inevitably receive better treatment from the presumably male-dominated player base of WOW. For the protection of privacy of certain parties involved, I will keep names anonymous (person in question to be referred to as "Dude"), but what follows is proof of this previous statement.

Oh, my female Night Elf's character is named Ohfeelia. Like Ophelia from Hamlet, only not. Pronounced "Oh-feel-ya." Apparently everything is taken for surface value on the internet. Everything.

(This is after I almost get spanked by a dragonkin)

Dude (whispers): need any help
Ohfeelia: im ok
Ohfeelia: thnx tho :)
Dude: you sure im not gonna charge ya, im just bored out of my mind, besides you almost died Ohfeelia: hmmmm
Ohfeelia: thats ok
Dude: you sure
Ohfeelia: yep :)
Dude: you can loot what ever I kill
Dude: you get exp for it too
Ohfeelia: naw its ok

(After another player whispers me in an attempt to help me take down high-level mobs, I accidentally whisper back to first dude)

Ohfeelia: hi
Dude: what you dont want any help remember [wtf?]
Ohfeelia: no i was talking to sum1 else
Ohfeelia: wsp on accident
Ohfeelia: sry
Dude: oh
Ohfeelia: thnx neway
Dude: do really need anyhelp on any quests
Ohfeelia: not right now
Ohfeelia: this isnt mine acct
Ohfeelia: my*
Dude: what is your mains lvl?
Ohfeelia: I don actually play this
Ohfeelia: lol
Ohfeelia: this is my bros acct
Dude: WTF he is a guy playin as a chik
Ohfeelia: yah
Ohfeelia: haha
Dude: dude thats messed up
Ohfeelia: he says ppl r nicer
Ohfeelia: lol

(after 3 minutes)

Dude: they are

World of Warcraft is more or less functions like a real society; people make a scramble for the skrilla, and the people who rock the purple equipment, essentially akin to driving around in a Lamborghini with the top down listening to Journey, get the most respect, or at least respect from the people who actually care about that kind of stuff. Only difference is, men are actually chivalric in this particular outlet. Women, inevitably, will receive this kind of preferential treatment in career opportunities ("wanna come along on a raid?"), but at the same time there's also that kind of "oh, you don't need to stress yourself; I'll get that sword for you" treatment going on, too. I can name a few instances (not a WOW instance) where my feminine pride came to fruition and I declined numerous attempts from other male players for help. I am woman, hear me left-click.

Wait, what am I saying?

Look into those lifeless eyes and say you wouldn't hit that.

SDCC '08 and what I'm playing in lieu of attending

First off, here's an interesting article from CNN Money, of all pages, detailing the subtle economic intricacies, or lack thereof, behind the annual gathering of homecoming kings and varsity quarterbacks (basically, my people). And uh, I'm talking about San Diego Comic Con, for those of you that didn't play high school football.

Here's the link:

Charity? You mean like how Superman rescues kittens from trees?

Oh, this is bad. If you didn't know me well enough, you could swear from my few blog entries that I was someone who did nothing but bitch and chronically make hypocritial, self-loathy comments. Actually, that's not that far from the truth. Only through extremes can one find middle ground. I'm kind of that way towards a lot of things in my life, ranging from games to music to books and movies. Except for hentai. That shit's just wrong.

Where was I? Oh yeah. My previously non-existent train of thought, or what I'm playing this weekend. I will be playing a sob-worthy amount of WOW this weekend, as things are just picking up for my Night Elf Hunter. I'm currently broke like a joke again, so I'll need to do some grinding and/or farming. This'll also be a good chance for me to level up the polar bear I just caught, which I named Dwight (Dwightkschrute was too long, and for me, it's either all or nothing).

Quick aside: Bear accordingly named so in honor of an opening segment of NBC's The Office where Jim shows up to work dressed like Dwight and asserts that bears are better than beets, and then posits to an already incensed Dwight that bears beat Battlestar Galactica. Hilarious.

Although it's been a while since I've touched the Xbox, what with the house being remodeled and everything, I'm saving my Xbox ju-ju for next week, when Soul Calibur IV comes out in all its boob-jiggling, weaboo-appeasing glory. In all seriousness, very much looking forward to this one. I have a feeling most of the multiplayer is going to be played locally instead of on-line, which I'm very curious to see how it will work out. For anyone who's played an online FPS and lagged out while drawing a bead on an enemy, imagine that kind of frustration when you could swear to God that you just guard-impacted your opponenent's attack and then proceed to get hit with a nasty combo. I'm also curious to see what kind of matchmaking system Soul Calibur IV will use, mainly because I'm currently still stuck in FPS mindset, where you have multiple players that can have their trueskill calculated under various degrees of circumstances. How would a 1-on-1 fighter go about calculating trueskill, where the scenarios are much more controlled and static? Regardless, very much looking forward to it.

I think I might also revisit F.E.A.R. again. Because this is the first time in my life I've ever owned what could possibly considered a decent computer for games, I'm still quite surprised how good F.E.A.R. still looks and plays after all these years. I have yet to come across enemy AI that can top the antics of this game's Michael Bay-appeasing, military jargon-spewing Replica soldiers, asides from the marines in the first Half-Life. The enemies are predictable in their unpredictability, which should be taken in the best way possible. This forces you to always be on the move, and oftentimes having to outsmart the enemy much in the way you would in an on-line match.

That's about it for now. Time to revisit an all too many place, experienced in both my dreams and my nightmares: Azeroth. Lates.

I love Kotaku posters

Taken from Kotaku:

When asked by a Swedish publication which Xbox 360 exclusive title he'd like to see come to the PS3 instead, Sony Computer Entertainment head Kaz Hirai responded that he'd rather take a bullet in the head than have to choose.

First comment comes from reader Datheron:

"Maybe he'd reconsider if they held a gun with a freaking chainsaw on the barrel to his head.

Lulz.

Dear Internets, Pt.1

- There is a difference, albeit a subtle and very slight difference between "there", "their", and "they're".
- While on the same subject, "your" and "you're" also have similar differences.
- It's spelled "rogue", not "rouge". God save your soul the day your Lvl. 54 Night Elf Rogue equips a Rouge Cloak.
- "Demoralize" means to decrease someone's morale or confidence. "Amoral" describes a person's actions or personality, both without morals.
- I've done some soul-searching, and I've ultimately decided that I still don't care.

Fabula Nova CRYstalis

Earlier this week, it was announced at the end of the Microsoft E3 press conference that Final Fantasy XIII would no longer be exclusive to PS3. The internets, as expected, imploded, collapsed upon itself three times, and fucked itself in the ass while banging its head to Disturbed.

I've been doing what any spectator who does things on the internet for, as put so succinctly by others, the lulz; that is, massive trolling. The posters on Kotaku are level-headed enough where their expressions of regret are mostly directed at what this means for the future of the PS3, a console they really would like to see do just as well as the 360. You read that, and you think to yourself, "yeah, huh... I wonder how Sony's taking all of this."

But then, something magical happens when you go onto Google and type "Final fantasy xiii petition." Something wonderful and unique, yet quaintly nostalgic, bringing one to recall the ugly and frankly embarassing turn of events that transpired on the internets when it was announced that Devil May Cry 4 would be making its way to the 360 as well.

There's talk of (take your pick): selling out, disrespecting fans, and every third signature insists on calling Square-Enix out for its corporate greed. Somewhere along the way, there's mentions of Xbox 360 owners being "unable to appreciate Final Fantasy" and how they're just happy that Sony lost an exclusive. I can see where all of this is coming from, and I get it. Really, I do. You dropped half a year's allowance on a machine that allows you to live out your weaboo fantasies, and you need some kind of justification that the decision you made was correct. Pathetic, really. But I get it.

Fanboys, please do not paint in your little Final Fantasy VII AMV-creating minds an idealistic picture of Square-Enix as a non-profit organization that taps a mystical well of game creating faeries who, driven by their love of this strange creature known as man, only wish to bring the best to their fanbase. The name of the company itself, a merger of the two biggest effeminate chopping-block wielding galguy RPG makers in Japan, should be telltale enough. Square Enix is dedicated to pleasing as many of their fans as possible, because moving more units and having more fans equals more skrilla. At the end of the day, Square Enix does not give two flying shits about you, and that's the truth.

So, faced with this unbearable fact about the game industry, what should you, as a consumer avid about his (or hers.... maybe) love for games, do with that hard-earned/begged cash? Easy. You buy the games that warrant a purchase. If Final Fantasy XIII is a game that falls under this category, then by all means purchase that game and enjoy it as much as you can. No one has lost Final Fantasy XIII. If anything, the only thing PS3 fanboys have lost is a smug sense of self-satisfaction that provides them with supposed ammunition on the NeoGAF boards. Making fun of 360 owners for not being able to play a game that they supposedly "wouldn't appreciate in the first place." Which makes your argument moot. Huh.

And while we're addressing a cold, hard fact, let's address a more hypothetical but all-too-possible scenario. If Microsoft decided to port Halo 3 or Gears of War to the PS3, either game would fail hard, because PS3 fanboys would decline to buy the game simply out of spite. If fanboys are allowed to make generalizations, then so am I. I'm currently an Xbox 360 owner who previously owned and loved the hell out of his PS2, and I'm finding difficulty in justifying a purchase of PS3. I also own a Wii, DS, and PSP *gasp* If I bought products based solely on loyalty, I'd probably be broke. I think Square Enix is entitled to operate on the same logic as well, too. If you're as big a fan of Square Enix as you claim to be, wouldn't you want to see the company thrive in hopes of seeing more original IPs in the future? Kind of a whole "if you love it, set it free" thing. You figure it out.

So, stop crying Sony fanboys. Look on the bright side; at least now you have really funny, condescending jokes to make, like "I wonder how many discs they'll have to cram that game onto for the 360? Like 3? Possibly 4? *guffaw*

Excellent, quality stuff. Keep up you're good work.